Phone Calls

Calling women back after their abortion procedure can be tricky. If I call a home phone, I have to block our number, just in case they have caller ID (our name shows up on home lines for some reason). Sometimes their number has been disconnected. Sometimes they give me a family member's or friend's number, and I have to be discreet, in case they don't know. Sometimes the person who picks up is very cranky that I won't tell them exactly who I am or why I want to talk to her.

I say "this is Em from CAF, that's C-A-F, calling about your procedure in (month)" and it can take a minute- I like to wait for the moment of remembrance before I go on, just in case. Sometimes they get terse once the realize who it is. Sometimes they get excited. Most times, they just don't know what to expect. I don't blame them. Most of the women we help are used to uncaring workers or ridiculously bureaucratic government processes that aim to get them out of programs, not really to help them.

I ask them how everything was at the clinic, note any concerns or great experiences they had. I ask how they're doing now, go down the list of questions we have for our follow up process, and see if they have any needs in their life that an organization or agency we know of can help them with.

Sometimes they cry, and I refer them to hotlines to talk to trained professionals. I always tell them they can call me if they want to talk and I will gladly listen, but I'm not an actual counselor. Sometimes, the crying is because they're so happy that someone even cares to make sure they're OK. Other times- most of the time- it's because in a different situation, they would have decided to continue with the pregnancy. Sometimes, they don't say why they're crying and I just sit through it, but I tell them it'll get better, eventually.

Sometimes they chatter away, so excited to talk to someone because they feel isolated but oh-so-grateful that the procedure was taken care of. They make promises to pay back the grant in a few years, when they're in a better place, when this job finally calls them back, once their kids' daycare costs aren't so much. I assure them it's fine, not to worry, but if they do donate, it will definitely go to another woman in need.

Sometimes, they're still defensive through the whole interview, wondering when I'm going to pull the rug from under them- are we going to send them a bill eventually or if they answer a question "wrong"? Will we expect them to do something for us? Am I going to call DCFS on them because they're too poor for the kids they already had before all this?

I hang up, wishing them a good night and reassuring that they can call us at any time, worried about the cynical ones, wondering how much the world has beat them up, and the sad ones, wondering how much they're beating themselves up. I take comfort in the ones- the majority- who are just grateful that we helped them and hope they pull themselves out of whatever bad situations they're in. They got through our phone lines and the clinic's picket lines, they gathered as much money as they could and did whatever they deemed they had to do, by a mixture of extreme determination and I'm sure a little luck- hopefully that helps them everywhere else in their lives.

"The A Word" - February- is up!

Due to computer difficulties, we're a little behind in uploading this year's episodes of our public access call-in show, "The A Word." I'm uploading them all as quickly as I can edit them!

Here's part one (of three), from February- Brittany, part of the My Voice My Choice Leadership of Chicago Abortion Fund (CAF), interviews me, the Client Services Coordinator of CAF. I talk about the recession's effects on the fund.

Frustrating comments

There are so many frustrating comments flung back and forth between the pro-choice and anti-choice movement.

Part of the reason I love my work at CAF is, we cut out that crap (at least, most of the time ;) ). On our show, we just cut off the anti-choice callers. We don't engage too much with the "other side." We're too busy protecting and helping the women that call us in their desperate, vulnerable moments and who are willing to contact us to help them empower themselves and improve their lives.

Recently, while reading the comments of an article in the Washington Post about a medical student's weighing of whether or not to become an abortion doctor, I wasn't surprised about the slinging of insults, facts, and fantasy back and forth between people. Quite frankly, both sides annoyed me. But the most ridiculous argument was:

"By that line of reasoning, shall we wonder why pro-choicers only start caring about children when they leave the womb?"

(in response to "[anti-choicers] only care about fetuses, not children")

Some judgmental pro-choice people might follow that line of thinking, but no reproductive justice activist (of which I am) would ever not care about the health of a pregnancy. Us reproductive justice activists care about the first environment (the womb) and fight for reproductive health and environmental health (a major reason women and reproductive organs are unhealthy). We are often the ones fighting for more (FREE) pre-natal care, access to alternative birthing means*, better food in neighborhoods, etc. etc. From what I've read, states with the most liberal abortion laws often have the healthiest children and most programs that improve the lives of families, especially women and children.

At CAF, we place a series of follow-up calls with the women who use our services. Sometimes women decide to go through with their pregnancies or are forced too because they were too far along (both outcomes have many reasons behind them). We offer to send them an informational package with many resources (helpline numbers, programs, informational brochures)- on parenting, pre-natal health, birthing options, breastfeeding, newborn and infant care, support groups and more.

I care about and fight for the rights of women and children. The only difference for me, however, is I don't consider a pregnancy a child unless the woman does. I am sensitive enough to use whatever language the woman and/or would-be mother wants to use to pull myself up to her level. Because I'm not in her situation. This is a sensitivity- nay, a conviction- anti-choice people seem to lack.



*Doulas, for instance, consistently improve parental-newborn bonding and with all parties'- mother(s), child(ren), father(s), etc.- overall health and satisfaction with the birth.

The Secret Life of the American Teenager

First off, wow, what a horrible name! :)

Has anybody else been following this show on ABC Family? I don't have cable, but they stream the video online the day after it's been shown on TV, so I've been eagerly watching it whenever I get a chance.

You've gotta hand it to Brenda Hampton (creator of the show), after skirting around abortion and whitewashing a lot of issues on Seventh Heaven, she's actually diving into some serious issues that are hard to mention and discuss, especially when the adults in the picture are very rarely moral authorities to guide the kids.

The abortion episode ("Love for Sale") was... frustrating. Decent, but frustrating. First off, most clinics would NOT allow such a scene to be had in the lobby room. It was built up during the episode to be some big, scary thing (complete with Amy- the 15 and pregnant main character- crying when she was "rescued" off the exam table- why wasn't there a doctor or nurse with her?!) when in reality, I feel like a 15 year old giving birth is a much bigger, much scarier thing.

The preview before that episode had Molly Ringwald (Amy's mom) "confessing" to having been in a similar situation. I was really hoping she would 'fess up to having an abortion! The fact that her marriage is falling apart because she married her baby's dad due to being pregnant so young is interesting, though....

Ultimately, for TV, the episode was somewhat supportive of Amy's choice (she ended up deciding against abortion at the clinic). But the drama that was happening around her while she was changing her mind- and the show's insistence that she give up her baby for adoption- is a bit maddening. At an abortion clinic, there would have been counseling to make sure she wanted to have the abortion, and discuss adoption or parenting if not. Now, how many OB/GYNS are going to have counselors on sight to make sure giving birth is something you want to do?

There's so much more I want to say about the show, but two quicks things: one- it's great that they're working with The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy but- I'm frustrated with the details. Most teen pregnancies do not involve 2 teenagers. Often, the male in the situation is at least 5 years older, often in their twenties. But a show about predatory men and victimized girls- that'd be a bit hard to make a romantic-funny-family sitcom about, no?

Here’s a scene you’ll never see in a movie, play or TV show:

OB/GYN Doctor: (taking random medical history) Any previous pregnancies?

Woman: Two abortions.

Doctor: No full term pregnancies?

Woman: No. It wasn’t the right time.

Doctor: And this time? It’s the right time?

Woman: Yep.

Doctor: I’ve always been a bit confused as to why clinics have to do all this counseling to make sure you’re ready for an relatively quick abortion procedure while doctors like me are made to just assume that every woman and family is ready for this 18+ year; financially, physically and emotionally draining commitment.

But no. Abortion is used as a dramatic element- to create a death (backalley abortion); to create emotional distress (forced abortions, or women who shouldn’t have had an abortion in the first place and probably would have been told no by a reputable clinic); to add a heroine element (usually about doctors)...

Yet, in the USA 1 in 4 women will have an abortion by the time she is in her 40’s. If you bring that to a world wide statistic, it averages out to 1 abortion per women. One abortion per woman!!

I seriously don’t understand why people don’t talk about it more. Sure, it’s easier to see the effects of actually having children- there are children you are taking care of for quite a while. But I’ve been part of many a conversation where the gory details of a surgery, accident, or illness has been discussed; people talk about going to the doctor weeks before and after going, even for a mundane checkup. It’s maddening, the silence around this issue.

This is a little late...

Several weekends ago, I went to a Choice USA Midwest Reproductive Rights Conference and it was... amazing. I love organizations that get it. While most of the conference was focused on organizing for reproductive justice on college campuses, I was pleasantly surprised by their bringing in of other topics that intersect with reproductive rights*.

The other young women and men there were amazing and a well needed reminder of the privilege and resources inherent in organizing in a major urban city. Sometimes I get so frustrated with the lack of support available to organizers and leaders- then I have to remind myself with how much less much of the rest of the midwest (and world) have to go on.

One of the workshops I think I got the most out of was the "Understanding the Opposition". Not just for the amazing break down of the presenter's well-researched book, but for the beginning of a formulation of a response as to why we at CAF do the leadership group. As a young biracial woman who grew up poor, I know that having the right to an abortion is just one of the many rights needed- and hard to access- for the population we serve. This is the feminist movement's ultimate flaw: it is being organized, by and large, by middle aged, middle to upper class, white and/or assimilated women. I am proud and in awe of the women that have come before me in the feminist movement, and those that are organizing now, but there is a need for leadership change.

The problem is, the opposition, the anti-choice movement, understood this almost from the get-go and exploited this weakness. They have been rallying people that mainstream feminists have been ignoring: young women, women of color, women with disabilities, poor women, single mothers... And when there's no else who seems to try to be helping, the anti-choice's lies and justifications seem comforting, right and sensible. After all, everything is easier in black and white, especially when one side is offering you diapers and the other side is theorizing about rights.

There are some amazing organizations out there trying to correct this, including us. Empowering women in all their needs only furthers strengthening our movement. As important as it is to focus on abortion rights what is really necessary is a more holistic view of changing the world/women- reproductive justice. Adjusting all of a woman's needs, not just her immediate need/want of an abortion.


* *cough*despite the fact that they had coca cola products, an anti-union (allegedly murdering union organizers in columbia) company whose list of other reasons to boycott are as long as my arm*cough* (But I think this may have been there because of the campus we were on, not them)

This is only the beginning...

I’ve had a lot of opportunities since joining the Chicago Abortion Fund. Various conferences have taken me to states I’ve never been and allowed for otherwise impossible visits for a few hours with friends new and old at those events. I’ve attended workshops on menstrual extraction, open adoption, climate justice and how it is intertwined with reproductive rights, along with many other varied topics. I’ve hung out with doulas in who were also fighting for prison abolition and mothers’ rights while imprisoned; talked with women who have disabilities fighting for inclusion in feminist events and for bodily integrity; listened to teenage mothers describing their forced abortion experiences while calming down the baby on their hip.

Sometimes the facts can be hard to stomach. Workshops, conference calls and new reports on the neglect and abuse of women, women’s bodies/health and their children can lead to bouts of sadness and even despair. Occasionally, a woman will break down crying on the phone and I’ll have to try to console her. Other times, it’s their pure will and even leveled voice while describing their situations- situations I wouldn’t wish on anybody- that hit me.

Because of these moments- moments of despair, inspiration and hope- I know how important our My Voice, My Choice project is. Too often, women of color, young women, poor women, differently bodied women, are not seen. Our voices are ignored. Both by the people who condemn us for our situation and those who claim to want to help us. We get boiled down to statistics, trends, populations. We become an “other”. And we know we are more than that.

Worldwide, 1 in 5 pregnancies end in an induced abortion. In the United States, that number is 1 in 3. Even in spaces that acknowledge these facts, we are often marginalized. But we are beginning to change that- through groups like My Voice, My Choice, we can come together, discuss our lives and educate ourselves. We need to make our voices heard, not wait for others to create a space for us to speak out. Chicago Abortion Fund’s My Voice, My Choice is using every avenue it can to make our voices heard- public access television, you tube, myspace, our website, postcard campaigns, getting us to conferences, presenting workshops, this blog… The roar gets louder with every event, every connection, every woman who agrees to join. Here’s your opportunity to be at the start to something very, very important.